


Facebook

by Dominatrix



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-07
Updated: 2014-03-11
Packaged: 2017-12-22 17:20:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/915955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dominatrix/pseuds/Dominatrix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock, John and the people around them communicate with each other on facebook. This doesn't always work out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pressure

Sherlock Holmes is here: Scotland Yard.

**G. Lestrade:** Sherlock, could you please stop this? Actually it is not allowed at all that you’re here with us. Supporting us.

**Sherlock Holmes:** And actually it is not so clever to announce this on the internet.

**G. Lestrade:** Oh. Right.

**G. Lestrade:** @Sally Donovan: Donovan, come right here to me. I have to know how to delete comments.

**Sally Donovan:** @Greg Lestrade: Sir, with due respect, I can see you. And you can see me. We’re sitting four meters apart. Why don’t you speak to me?

**Sherlock Holmes:** @Sally Donovan: Because nobody would speak to you voluntarily. Apart from Anderson. But he’s an idiot.

**G. Lestrade:** @Sally Donovan: Because I’m eating a doughnut right now. And you’re not supposed to speak with your mouth full.

**Sally Donovan:** Just a second. (G. Lestrade likes this.)

**G. Lestrade:** Well. That’s it. This comment has never existed.

**Sherlock Holmes:** Well. If we’re not speaking of the screenshot I took with my phone.

**G. Lestrade:** Why are you doing things like this?

**Sherlock Holmes:** Never heard of pressurising mediums, huh?


	2. Vintage

S. Anderson has joined Facebook.

 **Sherlock Holmes:** Brillant. The internet’s IQ just sunk dramatically.

 **S. Anderson:** Son’t be ridiculous. The internet doesn’t have an IQ.

 **Sherlock Holmes:** Not anymore. Thanks to you, Anderson.

 **Sally Donovan:** It’s like in kindergarden.

 **Sherlock Holmes:** You’d have to feel home here, Sally.

 **Sherlock Holmes:** Especially with this shockingly bad-tasted blouse.

 **Sally Donovan:** That’s vintage.

 **Sherlock Holmes:** Is vintage a new fashion word for unspeakable atrociousness?

 **Sherlock Holmes:** @S. Anderson: You’re obviously vintage.

 **G. Lestrade:** Could you please stop fighting? We have work to do here.

 **Sherlock Holmes:** Says the Detective Inspector who communicates with his staff via facebook. Very professional.

 **S. Anderson:** Says the freak who discusses 140 sorts of ash on his blog. (Sally Donovan and 5 others like this.)

 **Sherlock Holmes:** 143\. How often do I need to say that?


	3. ♥

Molly Hoo is in a relationship with Jim Islington.

Jim Islington and 3 others like this.

**Jim Islington:** I’m so glad I found you :)

**Molly Hoo:** And I’m glad that I was found by you :) :)

**Jim Islington:** How could I not notice you for so long?

**Molly Hoo:** Doesn’t matter. Late is better than never :) (Jim Islington like this.)

**Jim Islington:** I’m so looking forward to be allowed to spend the evening with you and Toby. I watched “Love…Actually” more often than I can count, but I would love to watch it with you again.

**Molly Hoo:** I don’t know what to say. You’re so incredibly sweet :)

**Jim Islington:**  ♥♥♥

**Molly Hoo: ♥♥♥♥♥**

**Sherlock Holmes:** Boring.


	4. Ice cold

Sherlock Holmes is here: St. Bart’s morgue.

Molly Hoo likes this.

 **Molly Hoo:** It’s always so nice working with you! :) :) :)

 **John H. Watson:** Sherlock, this is not quite appropriate, don’t you think so too?

 **Sherlock Holmes:** Why didn’t you want to accompany me? It’s probably more entertaining here than at home. Billy is not a big talker.

 **John H. Watson:** You’re not either. Sometimes. And at least Billy doesn’t shoot walls when he is bored. Or makes chemical experiments in my coffee mug. Or waked me up at 3:30 in the morning because he noticed that he can think far better when he speaks to a living person.

 **John H. Watson:** I could continue for hours.

 **Sherlock Holmes:** However, this doesn’t explain why you avoid coming with me when I work here lately.

 **Sherlock Holmes:** Is it because of Molly? I’m sure it is.

 **John H. Watson:** You know that Molly can read this, don’t you?

 **Sherlock Holmes:** Hm. That would explain why she came back without my coffee. And then stormed out with watery eyes.

 **Molly Hoo:** Sometimes you’re cruel, Sherlock. (Sally Donovan, S. Anderson and 8 others like this.)

 **John H. Watson:** No, it’s not because of Molly. I just don’t like riding crops very much.

 **Irene Adler:** I do. (41 persons like this.)

 **Molly Hoo:** Do we know each other?

 **Irene Adler:** I know your boyfriend.

 **Molly Hoo:** I don’t have a boyfriend.

 **Irene Adler:** Doesn’t surprise me.


	5. Compassion

Molly Hoo is now single.

Sherlock Holmes likes this.

 **Sherlock Holmes:** Like I said: Gay.

 **John H. Watson:** Sherlock, please show some compassion.

 **Sherlock Holmes:** Are you home?

 **John H. Watson:** Yes. Why?

 **Sherlock Holmes:** Could you hand me some tea? Black, if we have some left.

 **John H. Watson:** You’re sitting in the living room. I can hear you typing. And you’re speaking to yourself.

 **Sherlock Holmes** : I’m busy. And I‘m speaking to Billy, not to myself. That would be abnormal.

 **John H. Watson:** Obviously  not busy enough to do something meaningful.

 **John H. Watson:** And yes, speaking to a skull is far more normal.

 **Molly Hoo:** Folks, this is supposed to be about me? I’m suffering over here!

 **Sherlock Holmes:** Oh please, Molly, this was predictable.


	6. Thing

John H. Watson wrote on Sherlock Holmes’ page.

 **John H. Watson:** Sherlock, stop ignoring me!

 **Sherlock Holmes:** I don’t ignore you.

 **John H. Watson:** I’ve been talking to you for ten minutes.

 **Sherlock Holmes:** Oh, that was you. Right. I noticed a noise.

 **John H. Watson:** Come out of your damn mind-thing and talk to me.

 **Sherlock Holmes:** Palace. Mind palace.

 **John H. Watson:** Of course. What else could it be.

 **Sherlock Holmes:** What do you want from me anyway?

 **John H. Watson:** You’re sitting next to me. Do you really think that I will communicate with you over facebook just because you’re too lazy to get out of your palace? I won’t do this.

 **Sherlock Holmes:** Well, obviously you do.

 **John H. Watson:** Good. Should I get you something from grocery shopping?

 **Sherlock Holmes:** Why are you grocery shopping?

 **John H. Watson:** Because we don’t have any milk left. Again. So. You need anything?

 **Sherlock Holmes:** Nitro glycerine, balloons with as much capacity as possible. And Mentos.

 **John H. Watson:** No.

 **Sherlock Holmes:** I happen to like Mentos. Sue me.

 **John H. Watson:** I’m not falling for the Mentos trick. Not again.


	7. Sexy

Irene Adler wrote on Sherlock Holmes‘ wall.

**Irene Adler:** Let’s have dinner.

**Sherlock Holmes:** Don’t you ever get tired of asking?

**Irene Adler:** In my job endurance usually pays.

**Irene Adler:** Would you like to try?

**Sherlock Holmes:** I am perfectly sure. But I’ll pass.

**Irene Adler:** Too bad. I heard you were quite skilled with the riding crop. You could have learned some things from me.

**Sherlock Holmes:** Empirically this is more than improbable. 

**Irene Adler:** I knew you would say that.

**Sherlock Holmes:** Again more than improbable.

**Sherlock Holmes:** The suggestion that you can foresee the exact words which I am going to say before I even said them, even at a time when I could say them is purely illogical. There are endless possibilities to combine words – even sounds – into sentences and statements. This in combination with the many opportunities when I could say it, and furthermore the persons which would be in such a conversation leaves only one solution: You banalise to make an impression.

**Sherlock Holmes:** It is a progress from your try to puzzle me with the lack of clothing, but still not well enough played, Miss Adler.

**Irene Adler:** That’s what I call sexy. (38 people like this.)


End file.
